Separation Anxiety: Where It Begins & How to Help Your Child Through It
- Annalise Fox
- Jun 2
- 4 min read
Help your child through learning the right tools and resources.
What is separation anxiety?
Separation anxiety is a typical phase for many infants and toddlers. Young kids often have a period of time where they have fear or anxiety when they have to separate from a parent or caregiver. This is common. You can see this when an infant gets fussy because a new person tries to hold them or when a parent drops their toddler off at daycare. Your little one may show separation anxiety through clinginess, distress, tantrums, and difficulty calming down after a caregiver leaves.
Separation anxiety can sometimes interfere with everyday activities, such as being watched by a babysitter, attending a playdate, or staying with relatives. While this can be challenging for both parents and children, it’s important to understand that this behavior is a normal and healthy part of emotional development. It reflects a growing attachment between your child and their caregiver, as well as an increasing awareness that you can be apart.
Although separation anxiety is developmentally appropriate, every child experiences it differently. Some children may have mild reactions, while others may show more intense or longer-lasting distress. With patience, consistency, and supportive routines, most children naturally grow out of separation anxiety and become more comfortable with time apart.
When does separation anxiety begin?
Separation anxiety typically starts between 6 and 12 months of age, with most babies showing clear signs around 8 months. Your baby at 6 months is starting to develop a strong emotional bond with their caregiver. Separation anxiety will most likely peak around 10 to 18 months and then gradually fade in intensity as your little one develops object permanence. Object permanence refers to your baby's understanding of things they can't see. This could include things such as you, their toys, or their pet. Before your baby understands object permanence, they believe that once a person or object is out of their sight, it no longer exists. When they are able to develop this understanding, their anxiety and fear surrounding their caregiver briefly leaving, will lessen.
Separation anxiety may come and go in waves, especially during times of change or stress. Transitions such as starting daycare, moving to a new home, welcoming a new sibling, or changes in routine can temporarily increase anxiety, even in children who were previously coping well.
Separation anxiety usually lasts until ages 2 to 3. However, the timeline can vary from child to child. Separation anxiety may be a concern if a child continues to show persistent and intense distress beyond ages 3 to 4. Signs to look out for include anxiety that interferes with school attendance or daily activities, extreme difficulty separating from caregivers, panic-like symptoms, or frequent nightmares about separation.
If your child’s anxiety feels overwhelming, does not improve over time, or begins to impact their daily life, it’s a good idea to consult your pediatrician. Early guidance and support can help ensure your child develops healthy coping skills and confidence with separation.
How can you help guide your child through separation anxiety?
Separation anxiety is a normal part of development, and one of the most helpful things a parent can offer is consistency. Establish simple, predictable goodbye routines so your child knows what to expect each time you leave. This could be a hug, a kiss, and a short phrase like “I’ll be back soon.” Keeping goodbyes brief and consistent helps reduce uncertainty. A calm, confident departure, rather than a prolonged or emotional one, builds trust and reassures your child that you will return.
It also helps to validate your little one's feelings without amplifying them. Acknowledge that it’s hard to say goodbye by using simple, empathetic language such as, “I know you feel sad when I leave.” At the same time, keep your tone steady and reassuring. Avoid showing anxiety yourself, as children often pick up on their caregiver’s emotions. Over time, this approach teaches your child that their feelings are understandable but manageable, and that they can cope with short separations.
Gradual exposure can make a big difference. Start with short separations and slowly increase the time apart as your child becomes more comfortable. Practicing separations in low-pressure situations such as leaving your child with a trusted family member for a short period, can help build confidence. Leaving them in a safe, familiar, and engaging environment with toys or activities they enjoy can also ease the transition and provide distraction.
Providing comfort objects can also be helpful. A favorite toy, blanket, or even a small item that reminds your child of you can offer reassurance when you’re apart. Some parents find it helpful to talk about when they’ll return in ways their child can understand, such as “after your snack” or “after your nap,” which can make the wait feel more predictable.
Finally, reconnect warmly when you return. Greet your little one with enthusiasm and affection to reinforce the idea that separations are temporary and safe. Try to be present during reunions, giving your child a few moments of focused attention before transitioning to the next activity. Over time, this consistent pattern of leaving and returning helps your child build confidence, resilience, and a secure sense of attachment.
Work Cited
Google Books. (2026). Helping Your Child Overcome Separation Anxiety Or School Refusal. [online] Available at: https://books.google.com/books?hl=en&lr=&id=dxowTlGO83gC&oi=fnd&pg=PR4&dq=how+to+help+your+child+through+separation+anxiety&ots=L4eRHJZcyP&sig=ucJiJkoSSXuIi_hftVj8zaGs7JU#v=onepage&q=how%20to%20help%20your%20child%20through%20separation%20anxiety&f=false [Accessed 6 May 2026].
Guthrie, A. (1997). Separation anxiety: an overview. [online] Available at: https://www.aapd.org/globalassets/media/publications/archives/guthrie-19-08.pdf.
Jellinek, M.S. and Kearns, M.E. (1995). Separation Anxiety. Pediatrics in Review, 16(2), pp.57–61. doi:https://doi.org/10.1542/pir.16-2-57.
Raypole, C., 2019. All About Object Permanence and Your Baby [WWW Document]. Healthline Media. URL https://www.healthline.com/health/parenting/object-permanence (accessed 5.12.26).
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